Who am I being?

I have had a little bit of a hiatus since the start of the summer, life somehow seemed to get full, and my cup had been starting to overflow, leaving little space for my inner wisdom to shine through. 

I would easily have gotten caught up in all sorts of overthinking and self-doubt in the past. There would have been lots of "there must be something wrong with me" or "maybe I am just not good enough" or worse still, "who am I to be helping others when I'm starting to feel stressed, anxious and tired" type of thinking!

Thankfully I have come a long way since that old kind of unhelpful thinking. And I have learned over the years never to trust these kinds of thoughts.

Instead, I let myself off the hook and decided to have a little hiatus and do the things that came with less thinking on my mind. And what occurred to me as I took this little break from everything that felt like it was making my cup overflow was an interesting question.

"Who am I being" during all of these experiences.

That question kept popping into my awareness, and as I tuned in and explored what that meant for me, I had a few tiny light bulbs go on that sparked some deeper insight into why I was feeling the way I felt over the summer months.

I realised who "I was being" was not aligned with all the things I wanted to experience.

This question led me to inquire into other areas of my life where things were feeling a little out of control and where I was feeling less than my usual happy self.

I started asking these questions:

  • Who am I being, as a partner, parent, or friend?
  • Who am I being as a mother?
  • Who am I being as a teacher and coach?
  • Who am I being, as a leader?
  • Who am I being, as a sister?
  • Who am I being, as a member of my community?

Here's what occurred to me.

Each time I asked that question, I realised that I wasn't showing up in life and taking 100% responsibility for what I wanted to experience; I wasn't entirely "being" all I could be.

As I looked back and reflected, my cup started feeling full because I was not fully expressing and being all that I can be, and in all honesty, "I was being" a little bit of a victim!

There was a lot of "why me" going on with my mindset. My inner Calimero was popping in for attention. And I was looking at my life from the outside in screaming to myself, "it's an injustice!" (in a bit of a Calimero voice 😂).

Now, I don't share that to beat myself up, say it was wrong, or say that having a victim mindset is entirely negative. Let's face it we all have moments in our life when our shadows show up and start running the show. I share it because, quite honestly, I hadn't seen it.

It had snuck in, and started playing games with my head!

And it happens to us all, and that's ok. The important thing is when you start to notice it; you do something about it.

So here's what I did, I slowed down, took a step back from all that was going on. Switched off social medial, stepped back a little from all the outside noise and started asking myself these questions instead.

  • Who would I need to be, to be at peace with myself and others?
  • Who would I need to be, to be fully in love with my life, myself and the way I live my life?
  • Who would I need to be to experience joy in my life?
  • Who would I need to be to have fulfilling, supportive relationships with my loved ones, family and friends?
  • Would I need to be, to be the best version of me, for my clients, students and colleagues?

As I started to answer these questions, I began to experience some realisations about "who I was being" and how I had been showing up in my life.

By doing this, it enabled me to see that if I was willing to step into a "new way of being", I could create a different experience for myself.

I know that asking ourselves, "who am I being" when we are experiencing challenging times isn't something that would generally occur to us to do. We are so conditioned to look outside ourselves for answers to our problems or find ways to fix whatever challenges are going on in our lives.

Even I thought that switching off from the external would help give me the space to empty my overflowing cup. But as always, I was surprised that such a simple question helped me refocus on the inside so that everything outside of me no longer impacted how I felt inside.

A simple shift in awareness can dissolve what may seem at the time like overwhelming challenges.

Next time you have some challenges or difficulties, rather than trying to change what's happening outside of you, why not ask yourself, "who am I being in this situation?".

Then ask, "who would I need to be to have a different experience?". And allow your inner wisdom to guide you. You may end up just as surprised as me at the new insights that come your way.

As I always say, once you see something new about your experience, you cannot unsee it, which always brings the opportunity for transformation, change and growth.

Our experience of life always happens first on the inside, so once you change how you experience life on the inside, everything outside shifts.

Much love

Avril x

This next and final round for 2021 of "Reinventing YOU" starts on 27th October, and there are places available if you would like to be part of this transformative community and program. To find out more click here or if you'd like to talk with me In-person book a call with me via Zoom.

Come and join us over in one of our Facebook groups, Avril Gill Coaching or Dissolve Your Anxiety or follow me on IG @avril.gill


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